Stay Positive in Crisis

It’s tough to remain positive in crisis. Challenging times can pull the best out of you or they can reveal the parts of you that need growth. While it’s completely natural to experience some fear, anxiety, frustration or any of the wide range of emotions, it’s not okay to get lost or consumed in the negative ones or to take them out on others. None of us knows how long the whole Coronavirus pandemic will isolate and distance us from our “normal” lives. We each, therefore, have a responsibility to choose which version of ourselves will carry us through these uncertain days so being positive in crisis becomes our norm.

Face It… Fix It

We all have default reactions. Some cry, some retreat, some get angry and yell… You must have enough self-awareness to recognize your “fall-backs” so you learn to manage them. Whether you’re locked in your home with a house full of family members or you’re riding out this storm alone, pay attention to your feelings and be honest about them. If your tendency is to retreat, or just “go along to get along,” you are only delaying what will eventually come to the surface because what you’re feeling will find its way out in some way. Understand that conflict itself is not bad, it’s how you address it. Conflict is feelings letting you know that something needs to be dealt with and provides the opportunity to do so. TAKE the opportunity, whatever your default, and make things right. The problem is that too many of us lack strong conflict resolution skills because they aren’t generally something that’s taught. So what are we to do?

Respond, Don’t React

Flying off the handle is a reaction. Shutting down is a reaction. To maintain as peaceful an environment as possible, repeat this phrase after me… “RESPOND, don’t react.” Reactions are knee-jerk. They are whatever you do or say when you are triggered that you usually have to go back and apologize for later. A response is measured. It is thought-out and controlled and potentially productive — or at least not DEstructive. The two are from different regions of the brain and produce completely different results. Learn to take a breath when something happens that you don’t quite like. Counting to ten (silently, not to make a point LOL) is a real thing if it helps you to think before you speak or act.

Use Your Words

It’s okay to express your feelings when you’re bothered, in fact, I encourage you to do so. The key is to use constructive language and tone to successfully convey your message without escalating the situation. I know plenty of folk who are proud of their ability to “pop off” but that goes nowhere FAST! It takes a mature adult to respond appropriately AND to receive the feedback when it is presented in a healthy way. As a suggestion, if you need to have a “more challenging” conversation, take ownership of your feelings and tell the “offender” how what he or she did made you feel: “when you did/said ____ I felt as if you (don’t respect my feelings, don’t trust my abilities — whatever applies).” As the receiver of the feedback, whether or not you agree with what is said, try to acknowledge the person’s feelings and at least understand where he or she is coming from. Paraphrase his/her words back to confirm that you are on the same page. The point is to bring your calm self to the conflict to perpetuate calm and find resolution. Not chaos.

Create the Right Conditions

It’s important to be proactive with creating a stress less environment. Anticipate that the close quarters, boredom, frustration and the situation itself will cause you and those around you to be shorter tempered. Build times in your day to create a little distance for everybody in your home. If your kids are young enough that they still nap, use that quiet time to catch your own breath. If they are old enough to sit quietly with a book, puzzle or something else to keep their attention, schedule those times in your day. Agree on times that you and your spouse or your roommate are in separate areas, even if it’s in the same room. As much structure as possible will help limit some of the chaos.

The Choice is Yours

At the end of the day, we all get to choose who we want to be. If the real you needs a little work, get to it! It’s never too late to make positive personal changes and each small step leads to greater results. To recap, identify and acknowledge your areas for improvement as a start. Recognize those reactions when you see them and change them to responses. Be proactive and create an environment that’s conducive to calm over chaos and you are well on your way. The changes will help you to be positive during the COVID-19 crisis and any other challenge!