Controlling Fear So it Doesn’t Control You

Good Fear, Bad Fear

Fear is a very real emotion that was intended to serve as protection. Something frightens us, causing us to sense personal harm or threat. A physiological reaction follows in the form of a racing heart and a heightened sense of awareness, all to alert us of potential impending danger. That’s fear working for us. Unhealthy fear that works against us, however, can be paralyzing and limit us, keeping us from experiencing the full and beautiful life that could be a real possibility. We’ll stay in our “safe zone” and, while we think we’re protected from perceived danger or hurt, we also close ourselves off from new experiences, opportunities, relationships and all other kinds of goodness. Only by controlling fear can we hope to live life unencumbered and uninhibited.

Put Fear in Its Place

So how do we deal with unhealthy fear? The best way is to stare it dead in the face and take back the power that we’ve given it over our lives. Afraid of heights? Go to the highest place you can comfortably go that helps you see that you’re alright. Then increase the height incrementally until you’re fully at the point where that fear just doesn’t control you anymore. See where I’m going? The last thing we should do is ignore our fears because that doesn’t make them go away. They just sit there quietly, always with us, holding tightly with their firm grip, keeping us from living a free and full life.

Face Fears? How?

Fears are a very individual thing, of course. YOU have to identify the fears that are specific to you in order to manage them successfully. Some are very obvious, such as the fear of snakes or spiders or heights, which I previously mentioned. Others, however, are more obscure and lurk in very dark places only to surface at the most inopportune moments. Fear of failure or even success can pop up when we least expect them, like when we’re about to embark on a potentially life-changing venture. Suddenly, we find ourselves procrastinating and finding all sorts of excuses not to do something that we were before determined to do. That is fear, my friends, rearing its ugly head. To move beyond it, we have to be brutally honest and call it out for what it is. By giving a name to it, we’re able to develop a strategy to address it and, though the fear may not ever completely go away, we can learn to put it in a little box that might tag along with us on every new venture or adventure, but it is no longer able to control us.

So grab a journal. Think back to experiences you have missed out on because fear held you back. What were you trying to do or accomplish? At what point did you hesitate? What did you feel, emotionally and physically, and what did you do (or not do!) as a result? Try to take yourself as deep into that place as possible and allow yourself to feel those things again, if necessary. Tell yourself that the fear cannot hurt you and your mind is creating more of perception of the big, bad and ugly than what’s really happening in reality. Write down positive and affirming statements that challenge the fears and state them out loud as often as you need for them to start to replace the fear. The next time you’re actually standing face-to-face with the thing that previously terrified you, breathe deeply and work through whatever physiological reactions you are experiencing and walk (metaphorically, if applicable) straight into it. Knees shaking, palms sweating and all, just DO IT! Eventually the fear won’t be as great when you face that thing again and you’ll realize that you have overcome it like the boss that you are!

Fear Gone, Once and for All

Other effective way of dealing with fears is to use the “What, So What” method. For every fearful scenario that you can imagine, don’t shy away from it but go forward full force into it and play the scenario completely out. If it’s a new relationship you are interested in pursuing but you hesitate because you’ve always been afraid of rejection, imagine the worst thing that can happen for you. Often, we stop there. This time, go a step further and ask yourself so what. So what if you are rejected? Then what? Devise a plan for the next step. Figure out whether you could have done something differently that would have resulted in success. Or realize that maybe this just wasn’t the right person for you and determine that you’ll wait, believing that you’ll meet him or her in time. This process applies if you’re searching for a new job, attempting to start a new business, trying to lose weight, etc. If at first you don’t succeed, identify the reason and then devise a plan to increase your chances for success the next time. JUST DON’T GIVE UP. Fear is always there. Artists perform with stage fright and you can do whatever you’re meant to do, fear and all. Choose to be intentional about your process, about controlling your fears, then grab the reigns of your life and reroute it in the direction that takes you directly into the future of your dreams.